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Stupidity of the day


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Double Stupidity - not all ours...

 

Walking with Mrs 1st Ade and the dog along the towpath by the new buildings canalside in Wolverton (opposite the railway works). Became aware of young lady struggling to untie the centre rope of a narrow boat watched by her partner at the stern.

 

Gave young lady a hand untying the rope, invited her to board and remarked (while still holding the centre line) that starting the engine might be a good move before I finally cast them off. Gushing thanks, "We're new to all this, we only bought the boat two days ago, thanks ever so much..." disappeared into cabin, emerged with keys, diesel engine roared into life and gave us a big thumbs up.

 

Good hearty shove and wave them off .... As her partner dropped his hand to the tiller..... which had no tiller arm fitted.....

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22 hours ago, Richard Carter said:

Hi Roland, that has the makings of a fine Tom & Jerry moment - I guess you didn't look down, then?

 No she was clothed up. It was winter. There was a gap between the mast and the false cratch that only had a sheet on it. It’s a long way from the top plank of an empty woolwich into the cut I know, I fell off  Thaxteds top plank into the frozen canal at marsworth a few years later.

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1 hour ago, roland elsdon said:

 No she was clothed up. It was winter. There was a gap between the mast and the false cratch that only had a sheet on it. It’s a long way from the top plank of an empty woolwich into the cut I know, I fell off  Thaxteds top plank into the frozen canal at marsworth a few years later.

 

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3 hours ago, Athy said:

Avoid buying a tube of shaving cream which bears any resemblance to a tube of toothpaste, especially if you're going to fish in your toilet bag for one or the other in poor light. I learned this lesson many years ago at a French camp site, after emerging from the bloc sanitaire bubbling at the mouth and tasting sickeningly soapy after cleaning my teeth with Parke Davis instead of Gibbs SR.

At least if you put Deep Heat on a toothbrush, you realise by the smell before it gets to your mouth. Done that, scout campsite in Switzerland.

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5 minutes ago, BilgePump said:

At least if you put Deep Heat on a toothbrush, you realise by the smell before it gets to your mouth. Done that, scout campsite in Switzerland.

So you avoided being in Deep Sh......

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5 hours ago, Athy said:

Avoid buying a tube of shaving cream which bears any resemblance to a tube of toothpaste, especially if you're going to fish in your toilet bag for one or the other in poor light. I learned this lesson many years ago at a French camp site, after emerging from the bloc sanitaire bubbling at the mouth and tasting sickeningly soapy after cleaning my teeth with Parke Davis instead of Gibbs SR.

Not me but I witnessed this conversation whilst away on a crowded sailing trip.  "Ray, I hope you don't mind I used your tube of toothpaste, it was horrible!" Reply from Ray, " What tube of toothpaste?. I use tooth power. If you used something out of a tube it was my haemorrhoid cream". Exit one unhappy sailor. 

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6 minutes ago, Slim said:

Not me but I witnessed the conversation whilst away on a crowded sailing trip.  "Ray, I hope you don't mind I used your tube of toothpaste, it was horrible!" Reply from Ray, " What tube of toothpaste?. I use tooth power. If you used something out of a tube it was my haemorrhoid cream". Exit one unhappy sailor. 

It's very good at helping smooth out bags under eyes. So I'm told...

 

(also it's not especially nasty-tasting/smelling, it's the connotations of what it's used for that makes people go green around the gills)

 

Here's another useful tip, this one from my darling wife -- don't confuse a little squeezy bottle of hydrogen-peroxide-based earwax removing drops (Otex) with a similar looking one of sore eyes drops (Optrex), just because they both happen to be on your bedside cabinet... ?

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On 21/11/2020 at 10:18, twbm said:

Not boat related but have, on no less than three occasions over the years, caught the water from a U-bend in a bowl then emptied said bowl in to the sink I've just disconnected. 

 

Ah, true experience is when you make a balls-up and then realise, "Hang on, I've made that balls-up before?"

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Not boaty, but fairly stupid...

 

I bought a couple of pasteis de nata in Morrisons last evening - bargain, two for 25p!

 

I had one with my morning coffee, took it eagerly from the plastic container and bit clean through the tinfoil cup that it comes in...

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This one could have seen me off ...

Many years ago when I first started boating I was going downhill in Beeston Stone lock with another boat, a Fiberglass cruiser.  As the water dropped the boat tipped to one side.  The side doors swung open and stopped on the roof of the cruiser which stopped the boat tipping any more.  Realising the boat was caught up on the side I called for crew to drop the paddles.  Now comes the stupid bit: I walked onto the gunwale to see if I could see what was caught up.  The old boy on the cruiser gently told me to never do that again.  If the boat had come off whatever was catching it the boat would have dropped and tipped up the other way, reducing the space between the edge of the roof and lock side to nothing.  Or not quite nothing, about the thickness of my spine.

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Boating through a gale, must of been, feeling fairly frazzled, I arrived at my next mooring. There I encountered my least favourite type of wind ( i.e. strong ) and blowing in my least favourite direction (i.e. straight off the towpath.) So anticipating needing both hands for a good game of tug o' war I lobbed a pin and hammer ashore and stepped off with the centre line.

 

After dragging the boat into the side, and whilst doing the usual checks for dog poo, I positioned my getting in and getting off point next to a nice firm bit of grassy bank, so all is good. My pin and hammer were by the stern so I walked back to collect them and flipped the centre line back onto the roof of the boat

 

By the time I realised what I'd done, the boat was," If you don't jump right now you'll never make it." feet away from the bank.

 

After considering my options for a nanosecond the boat was," well you blew that then, you can take a run up, hurl yourself against the carriage side, slide down and chin y'self on the gunnel." feet away from the bank.

 

With suck, squeeze, bang, blow still thumping away and dog still aboard I considered walking to the nearest bridge and doing a discrete bit of trespassing to board the boat from the off side but she seemed sure to ground well out of jumping range. So figuring I'd get wet anyway, and after looking up and down the towpath to see who would be laughing at me, I slipped delicately into the canal, grabbed the stern fender, dragged the boat back and moored up properly. 

 

Soaked to the waist, my wellies were full of water so I did a handstand. Still the only time I got wet on account of my own boat.(SoFar)

 

 

 

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39 minutes ago, 36national said:

Boating through a gale, must of been, feeling fairly frazzled, I arrived at my next mooring. There I encountered my least favourite type of wind ( i.e. strong ) and blowing in my least favourite direction (i.e. straight off the towpath.) So anticipating needing both hands for a good game of tug o' war I lobbed a pin and hammer ashore and stepped off with the centre line.

 

After dragging the boat into the side, and whilst doing the usual checks for dog poo, I positioned my getting in and getting off point next to a nice firm bit of grassy bank, so all is good. My pin and hammer were by the stern so I walked back to collect them and flipped the centre line back onto the roof of the boat

 

By the time I realised what I'd done, the boat was," If you don't jump right now you'll never make it." feet away from the bank.

 

After considering my options for a nanosecond the boat was," well you blew that then, you can take a run up, hurl yourself against the carriage side, slide down and chin y'self on the gunnel." feet away from the bank.

 

With suck, squeeze, bang, blow still thumping away and dog still aboard I considered walking to the nearest bridge and doing a discrete bit of trespassing to board the boat from the off side but she seemed sure to ground well out of jumping range. So figuring I'd get wet anyway, and after looking up and down the towpath to see who would be laughing at me, I slipped delicately into the canal, grabbed the stern fender, dragged the boat back and moored up properly. 

 

Soaked to the waist, my wellies were full of water so I did a handstand. Still the only time I got wet on account of my own boat.(SoFar)

 

 

 

Good story writing, I particularly like the descriptions of how many "feet away from the bank" it was.  

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On 24/11/2020 at 12:45, Jerra said:

I am told a section of 6" nail works well in 240v plugs.

I have a old Land Rover fusebox that had been fitted with two length of threaded rod about 1/4" diameter instead of the fuses.

A friend found live 22 rifle cartridges used the same way.

 

My most stupid moment, was at ten years old, when "assisting" grown ups lifting the tailgate off a pick-ups hinges I gripped the bottom of the tailgate at the bottom.

When one of the grown ups lost his grip and the tailgate fell back, my fingers (all eight) were broken.

 

I wasn't able to pick my nose for ages...

 

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