1st ade Posted November 23, 2020 Report Share Posted November 23, 2020 Double Stupidity - not all ours... Walking with Mrs 1st Ade and the dog along the towpath by the new buildings canalside in Wolverton (opposite the railway works). Became aware of young lady struggling to untie the centre rope of a narrow boat watched by her partner at the stern. Gave young lady a hand untying the rope, invited her to board and remarked (while still holding the centre line) that starting the engine might be a good move before I finally cast them off. Gushing thanks, "We're new to all this, we only bought the boat two days ago, thanks ever so much..." disappeared into cabin, emerged with keys, diesel engine roared into life and gave us a big thumbs up. Good hearty shove and wave them off .... As her partner dropped his hand to the tiller..... which had no tiller arm fitted..... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Mack Posted November 23, 2020 Report Share Posted November 23, 2020 13 minutes ago, 1st ade said: Good hearty shove and wave them off .... As her partner dropped his hand to the tiller..... which had no tiller arm fitted..... I've set off before now with the ropes untied, the engine running and no tiller extension in place. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roland elsdon Posted November 23, 2020 Report Share Posted November 23, 2020 22 hours ago, Richard Carter said: Hi Roland, that has the makings of a fine Tom & Jerry moment - I guess you didn't look down, then? No she was clothed up. It was winter. There was a gap between the mast and the false cratch that only had a sheet on it. It’s a long way from the top plank of an empty woolwich into the cut I know, I fell off Thaxteds top plank into the frozen canal at marsworth a few years later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noone Posted November 23, 2020 Report Share Posted November 23, 2020 3 hours ago, Laurie Booth said: Glad to see that you have managed to correct my wiring job I replaced all the fuses as you had done them. ? I am right that it was tinfoil you used,and not chewing gum wrappers?!. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Carter Posted November 23, 2020 Report Share Posted November 23, 2020 1 hour ago, roland elsdon said: No she was clothed up. It was winter. There was a gap between the mast and the false cratch that only had a sheet on it. It’s a long way from the top plank of an empty woolwich into the cut I know, I fell off Thaxteds top plank into the frozen canal at marsworth a few years later. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BilgePump Posted November 23, 2020 Report Share Posted November 23, 2020 3 hours ago, Athy said: Avoid buying a tube of shaving cream which bears any resemblance to a tube of toothpaste, especially if you're going to fish in your toilet bag for one or the other in poor light. I learned this lesson many years ago at a French camp site, after emerging from the bloc sanitaire bubbling at the mouth and tasting sickeningly soapy after cleaning my teeth with Parke Davis instead of Gibbs SR. At least if you put Deep Heat on a toothbrush, you realise by the smell before it gets to your mouth. Done that, scout campsite in Switzerland. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Athy Posted November 23, 2020 Report Share Posted November 23, 2020 5 minutes ago, BilgePump said: At least if you put Deep Heat on a toothbrush, you realise by the smell before it gets to your mouth. Done that, scout campsite in Switzerland. So you avoided being in Deep Sh...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BilgePump Posted November 23, 2020 Report Share Posted November 23, 2020 4 minutes ago, Athy said: So you avoided being in Deep Sh...... I see what you did there. Virtual greenie ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post IanD Posted November 23, 2020 Popular Post Report Share Posted November 23, 2020 (edited) Not boaty, but... Need to replace fluorescent light in kitchen, one of the old ones with a big heavy inductive ballast and a metal case. Turn light off at wall, leave other light in room on so I can see (it's winter). Stand on chair in middle of kitchen, remove tube and cover. No volts between live and neutral, check -- previous owner was a bit of a bodger, best to make sure. Use electricians screwdriver to unscrew cables from terminal block, then big screwdriver to remove screws holding it to ceiling -- remove one screw, hold that end of fitting up with one hand while removing other screw. As second screw comes loose (and drops to floor) heavy fitting starts to drop -- quick, drop screwdriver on floor and grab fitting with other hand, Am now holding it overhead with both arms, hmm, it's quite heavy, let's lower it down gently. Mains cable (short) pulls through hole in fitting as I lower it, bare end touches metal case <WAAAAAH> push it back up quick, bloody cable's still live. OK, don't panic, let's screw it back to ceiling and go and turn power off at fusebox. Look down at screwdriver lying on floor, along with screws. Look up at heavy fitting, arms are starting to tremble under strain. No I can't let go and drop it, bloody thing will fall right on my head and it weighs a ton. I know, wife is upstairs. 'CAN YOU COME DOWN FOR A MINUTE?" "Why?" "I NEED YOU TO TURN THE POWER OFF" "Why?" "JUST COME AND TURN THE BLOODY POWER OFF!!!" Walks into kitchen. Looks up at me. Looks down at screws and screwdriver on floor. Laughs. Runs out and turns power off. Bodger previous owner had put light switch in the neutral... Edited November 23, 2020 by IanD 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Athy Posted November 23, 2020 Report Share Posted November 23, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slim Posted November 23, 2020 Report Share Posted November 23, 2020 (edited) 5 hours ago, Athy said: Avoid buying a tube of shaving cream which bears any resemblance to a tube of toothpaste, especially if you're going to fish in your toilet bag for one or the other in poor light. I learned this lesson many years ago at a French camp site, after emerging from the bloc sanitaire bubbling at the mouth and tasting sickeningly soapy after cleaning my teeth with Parke Davis instead of Gibbs SR. Not me but I witnessed this conversation whilst away on a crowded sailing trip. "Ray, I hope you don't mind I used your tube of toothpaste, it was horrible!" Reply from Ray, " What tube of toothpaste?. I use tooth power. If you used something out of a tube it was my haemorrhoid cream". Exit one unhappy sailor. Edited November 23, 2020 by Slim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IanD Posted November 23, 2020 Report Share Posted November 23, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Slim said: Not me but I witnessed the conversation whilst away on a crowded sailing trip. "Ray, I hope you don't mind I used your tube of toothpaste, it was horrible!" Reply from Ray, " What tube of toothpaste?. I use tooth power. If you used something out of a tube it was my haemorrhoid cream". Exit one unhappy sailor. It's very good at helping smooth out bags under eyes. So I'm told... (also it's not especially nasty-tasting/smelling, it's the connotations of what it's used for that makes people go green around the gills) Here's another useful tip, this one from my darling wife -- don't confuse a little squeezy bottle of hydrogen-peroxide-based earwax removing drops (Otex) with a similar looking one of sore eyes drops (Optrex), just because they both happen to be on your bedside cabinet... ? Edited November 23, 2020 by IanD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alistair1537 Posted November 24, 2020 Report Share Posted November 24, 2020 On 21/11/2020 at 10:18, twbm said: Not boat related but have, on no less than three occasions over the years, caught the water from a U-bend in a bowl then emptied said bowl in to the sink I've just disconnected. Ah, true experience is when you make a balls-up and then realise, "Hang on, I've made that balls-up before?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bacchus Posted November 24, 2020 Report Share Posted November 24, 2020 Not boaty, but fairly stupid... I bought a couple of pasteis de nata in Morrisons last evening - bargain, two for 25p! I had one with my morning coffee, took it eagerly from the plastic container and bit clean through the tinfoil cup that it comes in... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dor Posted November 24, 2020 Report Share Posted November 24, 2020 This one could have seen me off ... Many years ago when I first started boating I was going downhill in Beeston Stone lock with another boat, a Fiberglass cruiser. As the water dropped the boat tipped to one side. The side doors swung open and stopped on the roof of the cruiser which stopped the boat tipping any more. Realising the boat was caught up on the side I called for crew to drop the paddles. Now comes the stupid bit: I walked onto the gunwale to see if I could see what was caught up. The old boy on the cruiser gently told me to never do that again. If the boat had come off whatever was catching it the boat would have dropped and tipped up the other way, reducing the space between the edge of the roof and lock side to nothing. Or not quite nothing, about the thickness of my spine. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie Booth Posted November 24, 2020 Report Share Posted November 24, 2020 20 hours ago, Leggers do it lying down said: I replaced all the fuses as you had done them. ? I am right that it was tinfoil you used,and not chewing gum wrappers?!. I use pennies to replace the fuses, chewing gum wrappers don't last as long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerra Posted November 24, 2020 Report Share Posted November 24, 2020 36 minutes ago, Laurie Booth said: I use pennies to replace the fuses, chewing gum wrappers don't last as long. I am told a section of 6" nail works well in 240v plugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noone Posted November 24, 2020 Report Share Posted November 24, 2020 5 hours ago, Laurie Booth said: I use pennies to replace the fuses, chewing gum wrappers don't last as long. Pennies!!?..Sod the expense eh!!..How the other half live! ? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
36national Posted November 24, 2020 Report Share Posted November 24, 2020 Boating through a gale, must of been, feeling fairly frazzled, I arrived at my next mooring. There I encountered my least favourite type of wind ( i.e. strong ) and blowing in my least favourite direction (i.e. straight off the towpath.) So anticipating needing both hands for a good game of tug o' war I lobbed a pin and hammer ashore and stepped off with the centre line. After dragging the boat into the side, and whilst doing the usual checks for dog poo, I positioned my getting in and getting off point next to a nice firm bit of grassy bank, so all is good. My pin and hammer were by the stern so I walked back to collect them and flipped the centre line back onto the roof of the boat ? By the time I realised what I'd done, the boat was," If you don't jump right now you'll never make it." feet away from the bank. After considering my options for a nanosecond the boat was," well you blew that then, you can take a run up, hurl yourself against the carriage side, slide down and chin y'self on the gunnel." feet away from the bank. With suck, squeeze, bang, blow still thumping away and dog still aboard I considered walking to the nearest bridge and doing a discrete bit of trespassing to board the boat from the off side but she seemed sure to ground well out of jumping range. So figuring I'd get wet anyway, and after looking up and down the towpath to see who would be laughing at me, I slipped delicately into the canal, grabbed the stern fender, dragged the boat back and moored up properly. Soaked to the waist, my wellies were full of water so I did a handstand. Still the only time I got wet on account of my own boat.(SoFar) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chagall Posted November 24, 2020 Report Share Posted November 24, 2020 39 minutes ago, 36national said: Boating through a gale, must of been, feeling fairly frazzled, I arrived at my next mooring. There I encountered my least favourite type of wind ( i.e. strong ) and blowing in my least favourite direction (i.e. straight off the towpath.) So anticipating needing both hands for a good game of tug o' war I lobbed a pin and hammer ashore and stepped off with the centre line. After dragging the boat into the side, and whilst doing the usual checks for dog poo, I positioned my getting in and getting off point next to a nice firm bit of grassy bank, so all is good. My pin and hammer were by the stern so I walked back to collect them and flipped the centre line back onto the roof of the boat ? By the time I realised what I'd done, the boat was," If you don't jump right now you'll never make it." feet away from the bank. After considering my options for a nanosecond the boat was," well you blew that then, you can take a run up, hurl yourself against the carriage side, slide down and chin y'self on the gunnel." feet away from the bank. With suck, squeeze, bang, blow still thumping away and dog still aboard I considered walking to the nearest bridge and doing a discrete bit of trespassing to board the boat from the off side but she seemed sure to ground well out of jumping range. So figuring I'd get wet anyway, and after looking up and down the towpath to see who would be laughing at me, I slipped delicately into the canal, grabbed the stern fender, dragged the boat back and moored up properly. Soaked to the waist, my wellies were full of water so I did a handstand. Still the only time I got wet on account of my own boat.(SoFar) Good story writing, I particularly like the descriptions of how many "feet away from the bank" it was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
36national Posted November 24, 2020 Report Share Posted November 24, 2020 its only funny coz its true x cept for the handastand bit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chagall Posted November 24, 2020 Report Share Posted November 24, 2020 I didn't doubt it ...apart from the handstand. ? ...most would just tip the wellies out, but a good storyteller embellishes. Nothing wrong with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
system 4-50 Posted November 24, 2020 Report Share Posted November 24, 2020 2 hours ago, 36national said: Soaked to the waist, my wellies were full of water so I did a handstand. Still the only time I got wet on account of my own boat.(SoFar) without taking a selfie? Not a youngster then... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manxcat Posted November 25, 2020 Report Share Posted November 25, 2020 On 24/11/2020 at 12:45, Jerra said: I am told a section of 6" nail works well in 240v plugs. I have a old Land Rover fusebox that had been fitted with two length of threaded rod about 1/4" diameter instead of the fuses. A friend found live 22 rifle cartridges used the same way. My most stupid moment, was at ten years old, when "assisting" grown ups lifting the tailgate off a pick-ups hinges I gripped the bottom of the tailgate at the bottom. When one of the grown ups lost his grip and the tailgate fell back, my fingers (all eight) were broken. I wasn't able to pick my nose for ages... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris T Posted November 25, 2020 Report Share Posted November 25, 2020 While hubby is away emptying the cassette, thought I'd have a quick wee.... Sadly I've done that more than once too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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