Jump to content

Team “Barnier's Stern Gland” Virtual BCN Challenge 2020 Cruise Log


Featured Posts

4 minutes ago, Dr Bob said:

Oi, this is a serious thread, detailing the exploits of Barnier's Stern Gland.

No tittle tattle here please.

I'm a Tumshie not a tattie I'll have you know. 

 

Hello Dr Bob. :D

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 minutes ago, Tumshie said:

I'm a Tumshie not a tattie I'll have you know. 

 

Hello Dr Bob. :D

Hello Tumsh!

We were going to invite you to be part of the team but we er .............

(thinking hard about a plausible answer)

 

...'cause you've not been round for months?

 

 

 

....and Hey look, we are HOT!

 

 

 

Screen Shot 2020-05-08 at 14.24.01.png

Edited by Dr Bob
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, Dr Bob said:

Hello Tumsh!

We were going to invite you to be part of the team but we er .............

(thinking hard about a plausible answer)

 

...'cause you've not been round for months?

....and Hey look, we are HOT!

 

 

 

Screen Shot 2020-05-08 at 14.24.01.png

Yeah, but Dr Bob,162 of those posts are yours.?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 minutes ago, Dr Bob said:

Hello Tumsh!

We were going to invite you to be part of the team but we er .............

(thinking hard about a plausible answer)

 

...'cause you've not been round for months?

iu.gif.dfed5a78323cc558318cc1cd84064315.gif

4 minutes ago, Dr Bob said:

....and Hey look, we are HOT!

Why thank you. :wub:

  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

…....message starts 1101Z

May 9th, 2020

!!Stop Press!!

Tamworth Herald

Time Travelling Tamworth Virus

 

Authorities are actively investigating the spread of the 'Flu pandemic that killed over 500 million people in 1918 that was started in Tamworth, early May 1918 by a time traveller originating in 2020. It is now known that a cluster of infected cyclists, who incidentally all had their bicycles stolen near a canal, in 1918 had spread the disease. The Sars – CoV – 2 strain of the virus is confirmed as the virus both in 1918 and 2020.

Authorities, working closely with the Tamworth Institute of Time Travel (TITT) and the Tamworth Institute of Tropical Science (TITS) have made significant progress in the past 24 hours.

The pair of TITS have confirmed that the theft of 15 'Laundromat' units from TITTs 6 months ago was conected with the outbreak. The Laundromat units allow limited time travel but are notoriously unreliable so were outlawed in 2019 as they keep breaking down leaving unsuspecting users in the wrong time period. It now confirmed that an illegal sporting Challenge involving canal boats has been organised by a well known Fence (responsible for the selling of all sorts of goods) who goes under the pseudonym 'Auntie Waitrose'. The Challenge involved Time Travel and thus the premeditated transmission of the virus from one of the Challenge crews back to 1918. The Hawaii 50 team think that this now might be accidental.

Research has named the crew member responsible for transmission of the virus as Alan de Entrail, who contracted the disease in Tamworth late April in 2020 but he is not he is not thought to be of interest to the Authorities.

The Challenge committee is made up of Auntie Waitrose and Cpt Ahab which we believe are pseudonyms and a number of others who's names are not in the public domain. Competitors in the challenge are asking for a Stewart's Inquiry and Judicial review to publish these names.

Warrants have been issued for the arrest of the two known committee members on suspicion of causing 500 million cases of murder but it appears they have gone to ground and are in hiding.

 

Our reporter spoke to Mrs Elsie Dee, who repeated “U’s a daft wun, spouting tripe yer jessie, kitties got a bitoff llury. Ofter quack with little shite ”.

 

We did manage to speak to a representative from TITS who said again “ you'll have to ask the other TITT”.


 


 

….....message timed at 1040Z

….....message ends.

  • Greenie 1
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Peter had been back to the future and collected everything he needed to repair the bote.  The crew were unhappy because food was running short especially as Bob had eaten all the Jaffa cakes! Peter was full from the chip shop he had visited last night.  Anyway I digress every thing was now in woking order batteries charged, beam shrinker sorted, jet drive ready to burn. Peter had a plan to win, shrink beam, hit the souped up jet drive and he reckoned that with the wings deployed they would get to the finish without completing any more locks and because it was as the crow flies, very few miles. He hit the klaxon and yelled beam shrinking whilst activating the jet drive, the bote surged into the air wings deployed Peter was overwhelmed with joy..........what could possibly go wrong he thought 

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 minutes ago, peterboat said:

Peter had been back to the future and collected everything he needed to repair the bote.  The crew were unhappy because food was running short especially as Bob had eaten all the Jaffa cakes! Peter was full from the chip shop he had visited last night.  Anyway I digress every thing was now in woking order batteries charged, beam shrinker sorted, jet drive ready to burn. Peter had a plan to win, shrink beam, hit the souped up jet drive and he reckoned that with the wings deployed they would get to the finish without completing any more locks and because it was as the crow flies, very few miles. He hit the klaxon and yelled beam shrinking whilst activating the jet drive, the bote surged into the air wings deployed Peter was overwhelmed with joy..........what could possibly go wrong he thought 

Entry from Mr Smelly. (Dr Bob's gone awol).

Well its great that someone is up this morning! Where were you all at this mornings planning meeting? We are meant to be trying to win this damn thing. How about turning up on our PM thread.....and the other 6 crew?

Edited by Dr Bob
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well things were going wrong Peter had done a circuit and realised that he didn't have enough fuel to continue, he lined up on the canal hit the water and finished up stuck in the lock that he had started in! Bugger he exclaimed he looked around at the amazed faces of the locals and the guns that they were pointing at him "get your hands up yet Jerry swine " Peter exclaimed "bugger "

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, peterboat said:

Peter had been back to the future and collected everything he needed to repair the bote.  The crew were unhappy because food was running short especially as Bob had eaten all the Jaffa cakes! Peter was full from the chip shop he had visited last night.  Anyway I digress every thing was now in woking order batteries charged, beam shrinker sorted, jet drive ready to burn. Peter had a plan to win, shrink beam, hit the souped up jet drive and he reckoned that with the wings deployed they would get to the finish without completing any more locks and because it was as the crow flies, very few miles. He hit the klaxon and yelled beam shrinking whilst activating the jet drive, the bote surged into the air wings deployed Peter was overwhelmed with joy..........what could possibly go wrong he thought 

 

I think you will find Woking is on the Basingstoke Canal, which unless your time machine has altered the time and space continuum, most definately isn't part of the BCN. ???

  • Haha 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Confidential

team “Barmier than Barnier's Stern Gland”

Capt. Smelly here. Final Log. Dr Bob's gone. I've nicked his appleMac. (its still raining!)

Captains Log:

Saturday, May 9th, 1918

Mission Statement : Go through locks, travel the network, dont kill the crew.

5 Tests:

Our POOP score (Persistent Objective Operative Points, or the average navigation points needed per hour) is Crap.

Our CRAP (Crew Reliability and Performance measure) score is Poop.

Stocks of Vitamin D have run out.

We desperately needed a Test 4.

Captain's Sophomania:

My decision to enter this challenge was proved right as we showed the world how great our boat was. It really is a great boat, a great great bote. It is the best on the network.

Overview:

Today's final leg has been somewhat disappointing with again not much navigation.

 

Navigation Status:

Still stuck in lock 8 on the Birmingham and Fazeley canal but some progress has been made. The failure of the beam widening thingy during the ascent of Lock 8 two days ago, caused significant damage to both the boat and the lock, blocking all traffic down the Curdworth flight. As it was 1918 (we have been stuck there for the last week), the RCR were not answering their telephone. All efforts to reset the beam widening thingy have failed and we suggest inferior wiring of the 12V system was to blame with a significant voltage drop causing oscillation in the secondary plasma conduit. Loosing all the solar panels didn't help.

Peterbote's first attempt of the day at moving got us about 20 ft in the air with the aid of the wings he had fitted and a very large umph from the jet drive. Well things were going wrong. Peterbote had done a circuit and realised that he didn't have enough fuel to continue, he lined up on the canal hit the water and finished up stuck in the lock that he had started in! Bugger he exclaimed he looked around at the amazed faces of the locals and the guns that they were pointing at him "get your hands up yet Jerry swine " Peterbote exclaimed "bugger "

Anywho's, after that Peterbote has been focussing instead on the Laundromat time thingy and IS making progress.

Our target was to get to Bradely workshops by 6pm but we have now missed that. It is now 2055Z and darkness is setting in. The Laundromat hasn't functioned at all since it's one and only use sent us back to 1918. We realise other competitors have been shuttling back and forth in time to do the challenge but we have soldiered on. “Sod the challenge we need to get back to our time period” shouted Peterbote, clamp meter in hand. “All back on board” he yelled. Rusty, the beagle, not the sheep herding big doggy was absent. No sign of him. Dr Bob was gone. Not seen since he walked the plank yesterday. “I've found the problem” Peterbote whispered. “It's the bloody fuse”. He threw the main switch, the world started to revolve and Crash Bang!!, we ended up back in 2020. Still wedged in Lock 8. Still occupying 10' 6” where there was only 6' 11” of lock. Still we are home.

Not sure if we will make the post challenge P*ss Up 'cause it's now gone half eleven and we are stuck the other side of Birmingham.

Bote Status:

Electrickerty problems beset the bote today. Bloody wires!

AAW (Anti Auntie Waitrose) installation working well. No reported events of anyone buying anything from AW for the whole week. This has to be the main success of the week. I was involved in the design of this unit you know and it really is good, a very good thing to have on board.

Other than that, the bote has performed very well throughout the week with only minor issues.

We are not too sure of the status of Lock 8 though. Throughout the return to the 31st century, the bote must have appeared and disappeared at least a dozen times and with the almost unnoticeable movement of the earth's tilt (but we noticed it), the lock has had over 100 years of major structural impacts now resulting in the lock being a pile of sticks and rubble. We have called the RCR.

Crew Status:

CRAP is now zero

 

Rusty69 (the beagle) has gawn. Not a clue where. He never made it back to the bote so is still in 1918. Will we ever see him again?

Dr Bob has also done a runner. Not a sign of him as the Laundromat sprung into action. Likely he is also still in 1918.

Alan de E got more poorly as the week went on (colds are not meant to be this bad, no when I had a cold it was not that bad, it really wasn't). Dr Sue says it was definitely the virus. We think he may have given it to the cyclists from whom we borrowed the Bicycles from. There were at least 4 of them. I hope they get well soon. Alan is recovering very slowly but it may be a few days before he is back his new normal. He hasn't been posting you know.

Peterbote is going to file at least 3 patents next week but I cant tell you what they are for as it is secret.

 

Positive Indicators:

None at all.

Negative Indicators:

None of these either.

Actions arising:

Experience gained this year gives us a huge advantage over other teams for the 2021 Virtual BCN Challenge. We will have the best bote and the best crew (as we did this year) but we will learn how to operate the cooker better next time.

 

Next log due:

2100Z Sunday 6th May, 2021

 

.log ends.

  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Dr Bob said:

Confidential

team “Barmier than Barnier's Stern Gland”

Capt. Smelly here. Final Log. Dr Bob's gone. I've nicked his appleMac. (its still raining!)

Captains Log:

Saturday, May 9th, 1918

Mission Statement : Go through locks, travel the network, dont kill the crew.

5 Tests:

Our POOP score (Persistent Objective Operative Points, or the average navigation points needed per hour) is Crap.

Our CRAP (Crew Reliability and Performance measure) score is Poop.

Stocks of Vitamin D have run out.

We desperately needed a Test 4.

Captain's Sophomania:

My decision to enter this challenge was proved right as we showed the world how great our boat was. It really is a great boat, a great great bote. It is the best on the network.

Overview:

Today's final leg has been somewhat disappointing with again not much navigation.

 

Navigation Status:

Still stuck in lock 8 on the Birmingham and Fazeley canal but some progress has been made. The failure of the beam widening thingy during the ascent of Lock 8 two days ago, caused significant damage to both the boat and the lock, blocking all traffic down the Curdworth flight. As it was 1918 (we have been stuck there for the last week), the RCR were not answering their telephone. All efforts to reset the beam widening thingy have failed and we suggest inferior wiring of the 12V system was to blame with a significant voltage drop causing oscillation in the secondary plasma conduit. Loosing all the solar panels didn't help.

Peterbote's first attempt of the day at moving got us about 20 ft in the air with the aid of the wings he had fitted and a very large umph from the jet drive. Well things were going wrong. Peterbote had done a circuit and realised that he didn't have enough fuel to continue, he lined up on the canal hit the water and finished up stuck in the lock that he had started in! Bugger he exclaimed he looked around at the amazed faces of the locals and the guns that they were pointing at him "get your hands up yet Jerry swine " Peterbote exclaimed "bugger "

Anywho's, after that Peterbote has been focussing instead on the Laundromat time thingy and IS making progress.

Our target was to get to Bradely workshops by 6pm but we have now missed that. It is now 2055Z and darkness is setting in. The Laundromat hasn't functioned at all since it's one and only use sent us back to 1918. We realise other competitors have been shuttling back and forth in time to do the challenge but we have soldiered on. “Sod the challenge we need to get back to our time period” shouted Peterbote, clamp meter in hand. “All back on board” he yelled. Rusty, the beagle, not the sheep herding big doggy was absent. No sign of him. Dr Bob was gone. Not seen since he walked the plank yesterday. “I've found the problem” Peterbote whispered. “It's the bloody fuse”. He threw the main switch, the world started to revolve and Crash Bang!!, we ended up back in 2020. Still wedged in Lock 8. Still occupying 10' 6” where there was only 6' 11” of lock. Still we are home.

Not sure if we will make the post challenge P*ss Up 'cause it's now gone half eleven and we are stuck the other side of Birmingham.

Bote Status:

Electrickerty problems beset the bote today. Bloody wires!

AAW (Anti Auntie Waitrose) installation working well. No reported events of anyone buying anything from AW for the whole week. This has to be the main success of the week. I was involved in the design of this unit you know and it really is good, a very good thing to have on board.

Other than that, the bote has performed very well throughout the week with only minor issues.

We are not too sure of the status of Lock 8 though. Throughout the return to the 31st century, the bote must have appeared and disappeared at least a dozen times and with the almost unnoticeable movement of the earth's tilt (but we noticed it), the lock has had over 100 years of major structural impacts now resulting in the lock being a pile of sticks and rubble. We have called the RCR.

Crew Status:

CRAP is now zero

 

Rusty69 (the beagle) has gawn. Not a clue where. He never made it back to the bote so is still in 1918. Will we ever see him again?

Dr Bob has also done a runner. Not a sign of him as the Laundromat sprung into action. Likely he is also still in 1918.

Alan de E got more poorly as the week went on (colds are not meant to be this bad, no when I had a cold it was not that bad, it really wasn't). Dr Sue says it was definitely the virus. We think he may have given it to the cyclists from whom we borrowed the Bicycles from. There were at least 4 of them. I hope they get well soon. Alan is recovering very slowly but it may be a few days before he is back his new normal. He hasn't been posting you know.

Peterbote is going to file at least 3 patents next week but I cant tell you what they are for as it is secret.

 

Positive Indicators:

None at all.

Negative Indicators:

None of these either.

Actions arising:

Experience gained this year gives us a huge advantage over other teams for the 2021 Virtual BCN Challenge. We will have the best bote and the best crew (as we did this year) but we will learn how to operate the cooker better next time.

 

Next log due:

2100Z Sunday 6th May, 2021

 

.log ends.

Peterbote had noticed that he seemed to be getting the blame for various  er misshapenings ,he for one was peeved, and as he drank his large tot of purses rum he plotted to expose the other teams interfering in the mission! The Biscuits had implied that he was part of his team! When in reality all he had  done was help  a fellow boater.  Plus the biscuit had embellished the tale with where he had started from,  and others misinformed things,  in fact Peter was fuming in the morning this will all be sorted out!@!!!

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am starting to get a little worried about Team Barnier's Stern Gamd.

Have any of the other teams seen or heard anything from them? I fully expected to see them all in the beer tent tonight. I keep hearing some ghostly echoes but can't make my mind up wether there is something rusty in the weed hatch or it is that ghost recorder playing up from the other team.

 

I will give RCR a call and see if anyone is willing to borrow one of the other time machines and nip back to 1918 to see if they can assist at all.

 

I know they talked a lot of rubbish but I have almost become quite fond of their prattling on and now they are missing in action it's a bit unsettling

Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 minutes ago, cheshire~rose said:

I am starting to get a little worried about Team Barnier's Stern Gamd.

Have any of the other teams seen or heard anything from them? I fully expected to see them all in the beer tent tonight. I keep hearing some ghostly echoes but can't make my mind up wether there is something rusty in the weed hatch or it is that ghost recorder playing up from the other team.

 

I will give RCR a call and see if anyone is willing to borrow one of the other time machines and nip back to 1918 to see if they can assist at all.

 

I know they talked a lot of rubbish but I have almost become quite fond of their prattling on and now they are missing in action it's a bit unsettling

That's because we might be in the 31st century!!!

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

48 minutes ago, cheshire~rose said:

I am starting to get a little worried about Team Barnier's Stern Gamd.

Have any of the other teams seen or heard anything from them? I fully expected to see them all in the beer tent tonight. I keep hearing some ghostly echoes but can't make my mind up wether there is something rusty in the weed hatch or it is that ghost recorder playing up from the other team.

 

I will give RCR a call and see if anyone is willing to borrow one of the other time machines and nip back to 1918 to see if they can assist at all.

 

I know they talked a lot of rubbish but I have almost become quite fond of their prattling on and now they are missing in action it's a bit unsettling

 

97820D84-801E-448C-9849-3860056EE27D.jpeg

Does not appear to be anyone around in current day!,,,

Link to comment
Share on other sites

They had indeed gone missing, they were at anchor off the coast of Capri! It was sunny and warm and the food and wine was plentiful.  Peter had modified the time device to make it time and distance. He had also collected the solar back so power was plentiful,  the crew had decided that they would choose the best places and time to travel around the world and were clearly enjoying the break after the hard work of the BCN challenge 

Edited by peterboat
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 minutes ago, peterboat said:

They had indeed gone missing, they were at anchor off the coast of Capri! It was sunny and warm and the food and wine was plentiful.  Peter had modified the time device to make it time and distance. He had also collected the solar back so power was plentiful,  the crew had decided that they would choose the best places and time to travel around the world and were clearly enjoying the break after the hard work of the BCN challenge 

That is a shame because we just sent a party to 1918 to look for everyone

 

Out of interest, did anyone in your team calculate the total miles and locks you covered during the challenge? If you have already mentioned it in the thread somewhere forgive me, I am asking because I am too lasy to go through 14 threads to find if the information has already been shared

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.