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Team “Barnier's Stern Gland” Virtual BCN Challenge 2020 Cruise Log


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9 minutes ago, rusty69 said:

Not much in the last two hours, where you bin??

You can join the crew if you like, we haven't got a clue either.

Cant a guy have three hours off? Half the crew buggers off for half the day.

 

13 minutes ago, john6767 said:

At the end of all this it there going to be a transcript of this thread in English, I have no idea what is going on here ?

Me and all John, and there's 3 days to go! I dont even know where we ended up today, but we tied up here.

 

 

 

Screen Shot 2020-05-06 at 21.11.47.png

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Peterbotes chief and only engineers morning log

 

Peter had been up most of the night building his methane gennie, it was working well, very well, in fact it was the best methane genny in the world! The tesla genny had protected the remaining panels, he had heard the yelps in the night from whoever had tried to remove them. The batteries were fully charged so a record breaking run was possible, if only they could find Capt Tim who it seemed was missing?

End of log far to bloody early in the morning in a scruffy smelly place in 1918.

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…....message starts 1101Z

May 7th, 2020

!!Stop Press!!

Tamworth Herald

 

Covid 19 – Originated in Tamworth

It is now official, the 'Flu pandemic that killed 20 million and infected over 500 million people in 1918/1919 was the same Sars – CoV – 2 strain of virus that is currently circulating around the world today in 2020. Surprisingly hundreds of documents have appeared in the last two days confirming both the DNA/RNA analysis and the location of the epicentre of the 1918 being Tamworth in the UK.

Experts from the Imperial College Group, who are advising the Government on today's pandemic, think that because the two strains of virus are identical, the majority of the population will have some degree of immunity to today's disease which is why the virus seems to affect people in different ways with some having only very mild symptoms or some being asymptotic. We approached Prof Neil Ferguson for comment but he was in bed.

Rumours coming out of TITS however are questioning why the new data has only just become available. Paper copies of reports appear to have changed overnight and experts are trying to explain why some people remember something completely different. Two schools of thought are appearing. The Diane Abbott School of Maths have proposed it might be due to extraterrestrials planning an earth invasion. More likely however, TITS propose it may be due to time travel with someone in the Tamworth area, infected with the virus in 2020, taking it back to 1918. This would explain all the data we are seeing now. As a result MI6 and the Hawaii 50 team are leading the search for who masterminded this time travel.

 

Our reporter tried to speak to Mrs Elsie Dee, but she was also in bed.

We did manage to speak to a representative from TITS who said “ please don't bother me now, I have to take my bat to the vets, she has a slight cold”.


 


 

….....message timed at 1040Z

….....message ends.

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Personal log:  Dr Bob

 

Not a lot happening this morning that I can help with so off to Middleton Lakes RSPB again - its only 25 mins walk away with a 10Kg camera on my shoulder.

 

A few local birds around this morning in the sunshine.

First up, a Tuftie with a chip on his shoulder and second a Crimson Sun Bird.

 

 

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Screen Shot 2020-05-07 at 12.55.10.png

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4 minutes ago, Dr Bob said:

Not a lot happening this morning that I can help with so off to Middleton Lakes RSPB again - its only 25 mins walk away with a 10Kg camera on my shoulder.

You should have time shifted to the victorian era before leaving.  Your camera would then have had a photographers assistant to carry it,  iron the cloth hood and generally look after the birdie.

N

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4 minutes ago, BEngo said:

You should have time shifted to the victorian era before leaving.  Your camera would then have had a photographers assistant to carry it,  iron the cloth hood and generally look after the birdie.

N

Cor, somone else is reading this load of cobblers. We need to be careful we dont give anything away.

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2 minutes ago, Dr Bob said:

Cor, somone else is reading this load of cobblers. We need to be careful we dont give anything away.

Dunno about someone else, I think it's just him. The rest of us are just writing it. 

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4 minutes ago, Dr Bob said:

Cor, somone else is reading this load of cobblers. We need to be careful we dont give anything away.

 

1 minute ago, rusty69 said:

Dunno about someone else, I think it's just him. The rest of us are just writing it. 

 

I've got to agree - it doesn't look like any of the writers are reading this thread ...

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                               Confidential

            

                            team “Barnier’s Stern Gland”

 

 

 

Captains Log:

Thursday May 7 1918.

 

 

5 Tests

 

To recap (synopsis )

stay well, get points, knit socks cold by Friday,  oh yes earn points. Move boat.

 

Raw data on tests below.

 

Bms 72%   Same as yesterday.

Poop run out of black bags with 13 dogs.

PPE.  ongoing.  Yesterday’s Ppe order while fine for dredging the cut, is useless . It will have to be unpicked.

 

Mrs Bob has got tough. The law has been laid. 

 

A single size 104 sock will not protect us all.

Get through some locks tie up and rustle some sheep.

Then  you will all knit , the weather is changing.

 

Crap 

Vague muttering about everyone knitting in public, confidence factor unstable.

 

 

Mission statement

Our six day mission to do a bit of the length and breadth of the Bcn amassing the most points ever gathered by a single boat and to go through some locks. We have the largest boat on the water and we will win regardless. The crew will maintain discipline and have a 100% crap at the end.

 

10.00  CRT unlocked Curdworth Bottom Lock

10.00  Clarrie exits Curdworth bottom lock.

 

Crew Status

We went through a lock. Get over it. It’s normal, apart from the 11 crew and 14 dogs required to operate the boat. Nothing to be seen here.

 

10.20  Following swat team preparation ( drone flying lock setting) the Clarrie majestically passes the 5 g tower before Bodymoor Heath bridge..

Cpt Smelly swings off the helm passing ‘control’ to Peter Chief Engineer and watcher of the gauges. “Just off to see a man about something he’s selling on eBay”

 

10.32   With the Dog and a Doublet Hostelry in site , Peter with power gone to his head made an executive decision. First pub and it’s been a dry boat ( with the exception of the stern gland which is still dribbling on and on.)

Must check the left handed thribble washer tightening device unit, he cried to Mrs Bob and hit the Public Bar, ( avoiding contact as he had minimal Ppe).

 

“Double Creme de Menthe Frappe “ my good fellow he cried to the bar person.

“You‘sll. av pinta brawn ale like  t’others , yer southern Jessie “  or ifyer dun likit, pur sers rum ,  which ifyer don understands is coins dragged from a deep and tight purse held by a burly Yorkshire lass ,  was the inevitable response. “An wen yousve dun you can move yer bledin barge, don’t blag them glasses either “

 

Clarrie is a smooth boat, such a smooth silent boat, she swims like a 

fish, no vibration from the  engine , no drama, she would be in place in the next century, except that in 1974  a man called Beeching filled in every canal and put the iron horseway on the line. He called it the permanent way be he was wrong too.

Apologies for the historical digression , so smooth no one notice the lack of progress.

The swat team carried on setting locks, smelly was absent, Captain bob was writing a technical letter to the patent office regarding plastic magnets.

Everyone else but Jen and Rusty ( canine) were bound to the saloon chairs by double pearl knots , Un knitting the large sock or knitting smaller ones.

Apart from the bondage element it looked like domestic bliss.

 

Jen and Rusty were attempting to rustle sheep wool, failing to realise the dominant local animal in the area is the Warwickshire  Spotted Pig , an aggressive crew cut psycho pig.

 

1430

As the time bell rang Peter made a dash for  Clarrie, uncast the lines and with a surge of power and peering through Cheatles farm bridge, proudly thrust the maxo thrust button into forward.

All that work on the methane generator was a success, even the solar panels remaining were keen to add to the powerrrr, dream ride dream boat. ( nightmare steerer with 6 pints of Old Pork brown ale to guide him).

 

The swat team by now were at Curdworth Top, judging by the informatics, time to catch them. He cried “narrowing “ into the saloon, and everyone edged in from the sides. The pound was somewhat low, the crew being traditionally from the Lunun area used to ignoring niceties like closing lock gates, but with the third lock in sight and not even a line of text required to document their progress Peter was confident.

He hit the beam shrinkage button, having given the warning.

 

1432  Mrs Bob dropped a stitch, the shock of the grounding was so profound. Can you imagine it. We couldn’t. Stick in a lock ok, drop the windlass ok, but go aground on the B and F?  Maybe Beeching was right. 

 

Peter is a man of power, he understands power. He knows power is the solution to all things. The inevitable solution , the only solution, a solution for a man who understands. He hit the max o power lever, to one notch below “set the control for the heart of the sun point”.  

 

Do you remember Taff and Hugo ? course you do, if you have been paying attention, which you must do with our log. 

 

In short as the mighty lynch motor powered the boat forward , Taff chased Hugo straight into the the untested (patent pending)  Methane Jet drive lever interface switch.

Disaster . The one untested systems potent power was unfurled.

 

1620

 

Transcript from witness statement taken from Mr Peterboat, by Chief inspector P Sellers.

 

No it was not my fault officer. Persons unknown  engaged the methane drive. The ensuing  burst of flame and sound like 1000 Warwickshire pigs post consumption of Camembert was unexpected. 

The imitation of a Salmon Jump over the poorly maintained canal bed was inevitable, I hear we went up 6 feet. 

Coincidentally there was a technical breakdown on the methane processing tank, hitherto described as the holding tank. That is a warranty issue and we cannot be held responsible for the pollution alert that has covered a half mile radius. On the plus side the farmers will be grateful as there will be no need to shovel the output of the Warwickshire spotted pigs for some time.

With regard to clean up you are no doubt aware that 13 of my crew have been sacrificing  their coats in the clean up, and all now feel very attractive to the other gender, even the LBGT (u) versions.

 

With regard to the broken lock gates and the minor issue of the failure of the narrowing device post impact, meaning we now have a 10’6 boat in a 7 foot lock that is a matter for our insurers not the law.

 

Signed ...........

 

1655

Cpt Smelly appears with windlass. 

 

1800

Crew status.                 Broken

Navigation Status.      Score down to judicial review. Drunken argument over 

                                        whether to count, current lock, as complete, pending , or .5 

                                        given it needs new gates and chill, and Clarrie is technically in 

                                        the chamber.

                                       

Boat status                   Rather broken and a fraction stuck. However the holding tank 

                                       is empty and there is a spare windlass.

 

 

Poop score.  3 for movement -2 for again mooring in wrong place .

                       However this is a massive improvement massive. We have turned the 

                       situation around from -1 yesterday to 1 today. the R factor is sublime.

Ppe.               The crew are still bound to the chairs in the wreck. Mrs Bob has 

                       authority we were unaware of. No wonder Dr Bob is so quiet and 

                       unassuming.    Ppe will be issued in time. End.

Crap.             Best not discussed.

 

Test four       Pending

 

Test five.       18.5% but the macs got shook up a bit.

 

 

Negative indicators

 

None. It’s all good we have points.

 

Actions Arising

 

Establish if we can get backdated Certificate or our insurance may be tricky.

Contact waterways to discuss their narrow lock.

 

Next log Friday 8th.May.

Logends.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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18 minutes ago, Rob-M said:

Were you concerned some local yoof would cut your lines...?

Only if they bought a crane with them.

 

(and I don't mean the large, long-legged, and long-necked birds in the group Gruiformes) 

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1 hour ago, rusty69 said:

Only if they bought a crane with them.

 

(and I don't mean the large, long-legged, and long-necked birds in the group Gruiformes) 

Someone called for a crane. I've got a few dancing ones

 

.....and a lickle one.

 

 

 

crane2.png

crane1.png

 

 

 

 

Unfortunately, it was a sad ending, the lickle one only lasted a few days and then died. This was the second reported breeding of cranes in the wild in the UK for 2-300 years.

The parents were brought up at Slimbridge in captivity and then released (with about 50-60 others) on the Somerset levels over a 4-5 year period. These two paired up and flew back to Slimbridge to breed!....it was home after all. They had the nest right next to one of the hides so easy to take shots. IIRC this was 4 years ago. Since then there have been subsequent chicks which have survived and the first chick born in 2015 outside captivity (but at slimbridge) was around at the time of this photo.

The adult cranes released were released on the Somerset levels to give them protection from the public as access is not easy. At least a dozen however spend  time commuting from somerset up to Slimbridge on a regular basis and can be seen at Slimbridge.

Edited by Dr Bob
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1 hour ago, Dr Bob said:

They've already nicked all our solar panels.

 

It has to be an inside job as they were connected to the Tesla genny! I have been looking on Ebay and I wonder if it's one of us selling the panels?

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Team "Barmier than a bowl of extra nutty grenola."

 

Hot off the press. We have pulled out all the stops to get our cabin top decorated, so that you can all get maximum VE day exposure to it.Cabin ventilation is provided by the eco fan utilising the hot air generated within Enjoy!!!!

 

 

Cabin roof.jpg

Edited by Dr Bob
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