Team “Barnier's Stern Gland” Virtual BCN Challenge 2020 Cruise Log

[rusty69]

Hey, what's going on? Someone shut me down the weedhatch. I managed to get out after a whole month, but I'm freezing cold and wet. What are all these empty scotch bottles lying about? Well, at least I know what BCN stands for now.

[Dr Bob]

Hot of the press.

Barking Breaking news.

When we pulled in today (details in the log later) we opened the weed hatch and whooosh, out popped a rather bedraggled beagle in a red coat. I think the tweaks  that @peterboat was making to the time machine thingy have created a temporal displacement field and while we were down our weed hatch fishing out tonites tea, it must have picked up Rusty's weed hatch detritous and deposited it on our bote. We now have two Rusty's.

We managed to revive him with something brown (we are a dry bote you know, very very dry as we want to win you know). He revived.

Welcome to the crew Rusty.

[rusty69]

45 minutes ago, Dr Bob said:

Welcome to the crew Rusty.

Thanks, I think, though I would like to point out I am not here of my own accord, I have been press ganged.

[roland elsdon]

3 hours ago, cheshire~rose said:

I know there is a punch line coming....

So.

[mrsmelly]

24 minutes ago, rusty69 said:

Thanks, I think, though I would like to point out I am not here of my own accord, I have been press ganged.

Please help me try to control Dr Bob. He has started swearing in the private message system...............he used the term " Work " earlier today!!

[TheBiscuits]

17 minutes ago, mrsmelly said:

Please help me try to control Dr Bob. He has started swearing in the private message system...............he used the term " Work " earlier today!!

 

Tell him "work" is a four letter word ...

[Sugar n spice]

Could someone tell me where the winter clothed pic go

[rusty69]

5 minutes ago, Sugar n spice said:

Could someone tell me where the winter clothed pic go

Don't ask me. Between you and me, everyone here seems quite mad!

 

ETA I think "Team Barmier" would have been a more suitable name for our lot.

Edited May 4, 2020 by rusty69

[peterboat]

8 minutes ago, TheBiscuits said:

 

Tell him "work" is a four letter word ...

Its all right for you to say that, but last night when you had me out all night dragging a boat half way around the UK, you told me to tell the Team that I was out working, now Tim wont talk to me!!??

[roland elsdon]

He’s worn his typing finger to the bone and gone off to watch reruns of 22 men dancing round a spherical object.

Dont ask me why he could get the answer to the points gained, by going on the interweb.

He goes off thinking and planning his posts, every so often . He really really really really wants to win.

1 hour ago, Sugar n spice said:

Could someone tell me where the winter clothed pic go

Well after I posted ours I forwarded them to the serious crime squad.

[roland elsdon]

Are we there yet?

[peterboat]

Its around the corner and over the hill

[Dr Bob]

Here it is, today's log.

 

 

Confidential

team “Barnier's Stern Gland”

Captains Log:

Starwarsday, May 4th, 1918

Mission Statement : Our 6 day mission is to travel the length and breadth of the BCN amassing the most points every gathered by a single boat and to go through some locks. We have the greatest bote in the world and we will be victorious.

5 Tests:

To achieve our mission, we have established 5 tests to ensure we keep on track. We have an average points per hour count to collect and we have to keep our crew safe and well. The plans are in place to generate the points but the weather has turned colder and most of the crew are in their summer uniforms. Mrs Bob is therefore having to knit socks for all the crew to provide them with the appropriate protection. We are very confident Mrs Bob will have created the socks by Friday 8^th May. Our 5 tests are therefore as follows:-

 

Test 1. This is the POOP score. Persistent Objective Operative Points, or the average navigation points needed per hour to win the challenge. Here we estimate we need an average of at least 9.31 POOP/hr. This will be monitored hourly each day. Hail, rain, or tempests, no matter what's the weather each team member is required 'give their all'

Test 2. Provision of the correct PPE is essential. We need to provide socks for the crew at the rate of 3 pairs per day. 10,000 stitches per sock are needed so that is an average of around 10,000 stitches per hour. The Gov We are throwing all we have to ensure our PPE requirement will be met, whether it be essential dye from avocados, or having the correct wool such as lamb or alpacas. By the end of this challenge all crew members will have warm cosy toes. This metric will be keenly watched.

Test 3. Keeping the crew fully motivated is key in our objectives so we need to ensure our Crew Reliability and Performance measure is recorded (CRAP) and is maintained above 91.4%. This metric will be monitored daily. Plenty of provisions will be provided, whether it be flour for breadmaking purposes, or eggs for breakfast. Liquid provisions will also be provided on a desperate need only basis. Stocks of Vitamin D will be held at the appropriate level.

Test 4. There is no test 4.

Test 5. By adhering to the tests above we can ensure that we beat the previous record in the Challenge by 5.5%. Remember, there are no 'Ifs' or 'Buts' within team Barnier's Stern Glands. This test again will be monitored daily.
 

Captain's Sophomania:

My decision to insist on the correct PPE was really justified, it really really was with this very cold weather we had this morning, it really really was very cold, very cold you know, but we are on top of this and heading back to greatness.

Overview:

Clarrie is currently moored 20 yards south of Fisher's Mill bridge on the Birmingham & Fazeley Canal north west of Birmingham at space and time coordinates 102981.4590.04051819

The cold weather of this morning was not an issue as those with socks were out on deck while others sheltered below.

A minor glitch in the propulsion unit has set us back a small amount, it is really just a very small amount, really small you know and we are on course to once again being the greatest boat on the network and ahead our goal to win the virtual challenge. We expect to make up our lost time by tomorrow lunch time and even now the models are showing if we accelerate our efforts we can increase our total navigation score by 2.79%

Navigation Status:

The bote was fully prepared to leave by 0830Z. At 0900Z, Captain Smelly shouted “We're Leaving”.

The infrared beam emitter on the sharp end was fired up which melted all the ice in seconds. The snow turned to rain. It had been snowing most of the night. The noise from the school playground diminished as the clock hit 0900Z. The purr, purr of the Lynch electric was the only sound to be heard. Purr, purr, a cat! Rusty, the German Shepard, bounded over the stern rail followed by the shuffle shuffle grrr grrr from Barny, the Pug and 6 7 others. SWAT team deployed to sweep up the dogs and confine them to barracks for the duration of the rest of the day.

“We're still leaving” shouted Captain Smelly.

Despite all bote systems reporting A1 conditions, it was becoming apparent that the pump out toilet located centre boat was having some issues flushing. The cassette toilet at the front and the composting toilet at the rear seemed to not be affected. A quarter of a mile south of the overnight mooring was Fazeley Mill marina, the home of Clarrie, so Capt Smelly decided to do a quick pit stop to do a pump out to free up the central toilet. 5 mins later we were all hooked up to the machine and Peterbote flipped the switch. Whoomph! A massive blow back. Possibly due to an iced up transfer conduit. Tank contents everywhere! It overloaded the connection pipes to the composting and cassette units and spilled out its load all over the place. The Duck was not impressed. He hadnt been too impressed with the 11 12 dogs. This made it worse. The SWAT team in the absence of any competitive boats were put to work clearing up the mess.

By 1100Z we were back on the road canal heading south. The motor purring away. The rain continued. Batteries were fully charged apart from a few minutes cruising. 5 minutes on and we approached Drayton Turret Footbridge and the narrow section of the canal. “Narrows coming” shouted the captain and the Engineering Officer threw the master switch to operate the bote narrowing function (to reduce beam from 10 ft to 6 ft 10 inches). Whirr, whirr it went. Whirr whirr, just like that. No, not like that, like that! Beam reduced incrementally for the expected 5 minute cycle time. At the 3 minute mark there was a loud bang but the cycle continued. Peterbote and helpers searched the system but nothing untoward could be found. Captain Smelly made the decision to continue on unimpeded so as to make up for lost time and Alan and Roland manning the mac based modelling, checked the predictions and agreed.

Just over a mile further on, a small problem appeared. Just as we were travelling under Fisher's Mill bridge, the propulsion unit went silent (well more silent than it used to be) and the boat cruised to a premature halt. The SWAT team were then called into action once again to pole the bote into the side and tie up just south of the bridge. Time was now 1145Z. Peterbote set about trying to troubleshoot the propulsion unit. Captain Smelly stayed on the helm and looked forward. It was still raining.

Bote Status:

It is actually quite difficult to describe the technical issue other than the array of lithium batteries had gone flat. Outside of the propulsion unit, the bote is technically very complicated, it really is, you wont see many botes like this, you really won't you know, it really is a great bote. The problem seems to be that the wire rope and pulley system that operates the beam reducing technology had jammed in the “on” position (remember the bang) and had resulted in a 1000A continuous drain on the system, therefore using the vital power needed for the propulsion unit. This is just a minor set back and easily resolvable. The beam reducing system was reset and the offending component that had shorted replaced with one 10 times its size. The solar set up will charge the batteries back up and we can continue on our way.

Alan and Roland continued to run modelling scenarios to judge the effects of the loss of time throughout the afternoon. The sky was clear 10 miles to the west and the weather app was showing sun. The batteries would soon start recharging and we would be on our way. The rain continued to fall. Captain Smelly had opened his umbrella. The models were very good. They really were very good. They are the best in the world you know and showed we could easily recover our position tomorrow despite missing all of our hourly navigation points total per hour metric , our POOPs.

Peterbote has been monitoring an issue around the Clarrie's stern gland but it is not thought to be important. There is a slight weep which is more just an embarrassment rather than a problem. This is one we need to keep an eye on.

Of more concern is that our external comms systems are down. When Peterbote threw the Automat Sehnsucht switch yesterday, to take us back to 1918, the comms immediately failed. Our hourly updates to @TheBiscuits leading the on shore technical team have been interrupted and we are no longer receiving data. We think this is a fundamental problem in time travel but cannot quite get our heads around it.

Crew Status:

The big news is that Rusty69 has joined the team via a time displacement accident due to the superior development skills of our Engineering officer Peterbote.

Mrs Bob continues to knit. She is ahead of the target with 7.39 socks completed today – thats 77500 stitches. Confidence is very high.

The mishap with the pump out is now history. All 11 12 dogs had to be bathed after a fun hour rolling in it but the SWAT team did an exceptional job, a very very good job you know.

Our CRAP index stands at 97%. It really does.

High hopes for a great day on Tuesday.

One slight issue is that our First officer Alan is experiences episodes of delusion and lack of consciousness. This maybe virus related. We have confined him to the saloon to work on the models but we don't think this is important.

Perhaps we also need an Engineering Officer that understands pump out toilets and re-pipes the system?

Rusty the GSD has been promoted to First Security officer but placed on an initial warning for leaving the bote and chasing cats without permission.

The duck is complaining.

 

Positive Indicators:

Our POOP index suffered today and is currently standing at 0.001 but it is positive which is important and can be ramped up quickly tomorrow.

Stitch count average is currently 11,034 which is ahead of our 10,000 target.

CRAP is standing at 97%, a tad down on yesterday but still well above our lower limitation.

We have not met Test 4.

For Test 5, we are on target to achieve the 5.5% over target to win.

 

The first lock is circa 1 miles away and the crew are looking to flex their muscles to raise us up a few feet tomorrow.

Negative Indicators:

Nothing significant. A minor issue with charging the batteries is the only issue but it is not seen as important.

Actions arising:

• Make sure pump out procedures are followed to the letter.

• Keep the dogs under tighter control and for gods sake feed them so they dont go chasing cats.

Next log due:

2100Z Tuesday 5^th May, 1918

 

….log ends.

[Dr Bob]

...and this is where we tied up to tonight

 

 

[TheBiscuits]

1 minute ago, Dr Bob said:

...and this is where we tied up to tonight

 

 

 

That rings a bell ...

[roland elsdon]

It was an a peeling spot

[rusty69]

Just now, TheBiscuits said:

 

That rings a bell ...

No it's not, it's a ring, and I'll box anyone that says it ain't. Well, I'll get @mrsmellyto anyways, cos he is bigger than me.

[TheBiscuits]

4 minutes ago, rusty69 said:

I'll get @mrsmellyto anyways, cos he is bigger than me.

Wider was what @peterboat said last night in the 300-mile tuk-tuk run in the snow.

[peterboat]

I have  decided that the pump out will be replaced with another composting loo, with luck we will be growing spuds by the end of the week, given the amount of sext that came from the pump out today! Also the methane could be collected and used in a jet drive to supplement the lynch motor in times of low sunlight. 

These mods might slow us down a bit , but the Capt is sure the time can be made up on Wednesday or Thursday at the latest 

[peterboat]

19 minutes ago, TheBiscuits said:

Wider was what @peterboat said last night in the 300-mile tuk-tuk run in the snow.

Very wide  which is why we have a widebeam 

[mrsmelly]

28 minutes ago, rusty69 said:

No it's not, it's a ring, and I'll box anyone that says it ain't. Well, I'll get @mrsmellyto anyways, cos he is bigger than me.

Well I am certainly fatter ?

[Jennifer McM]

Rusty's very sorry for chasing the pussy cats today, he doesn't know what came over him, except the blowout from the pump out ?

 

What a stinky boy!

 

 

 

 

 

He can't wait for tomorrow to start, and he's ever so please to have 11 12 other friends to play with, especially the funny little beagle, a great fellow, yes you know he's a great fellow, he's a really great fellow!

Edited May 4, 2020 by Jennifer McM

[peterboat]

9 minutes ago, Jennifer McM said:

Rusty's very sorry for chasing the pussy cats today, he doesn't know what came over him, except the blowout from the pump out ?

 

What a stinky boy!

 

 

 

 

 

He can't wait for tomorrow to start, and he's ever so please to have 11 12 other friends to play with, especially the funny little beagle, a great fellow, yes you know he's a great fellow, he's a really great fellow!

He is a grand looking chap very grand GSDs are my favourite dog had 3 of them and miss them all.  Maybe I will see them in heaven as they all deserved to be there,  I might not make it though ?

[Jennifer McM]

7 minutes ago, peterboat said:

He is a grand looking chap very grand GSDs are my favourite dog had 3 of them and miss them all.  Maybe I will see them in heaven as they all deserved to be there,  I might not make it though ?

Officially he's a Rottweiler, seriously! At 3 weeks old he and his sister were left on the steps of a rescue centre. The centre's vet registered them as Rotties. Perhaps I shouldn't have fed him bratwurst ?

Edited May 4, 2020 by Jennifer McM

[peterboat]

2 minutes ago, Jennifer McM said:

Officially he's a Rottweiler, seriously! At 3 weeks old he and his sister was left on the steps of a rescue centre. The centre's vet registered them as Rotties. Perhaps I shouldn't have fed him bratwurst ?

He is like Marcus my last dog , Marcus was 65 kilos  however a monster of a GSD very scary if he didn't like something