Best list of new boater questions i could think of.

[cksantos85]

I felt like this forum needed some newbie snark to go with all the old-timer salt pouring from the heavens. Feel free to post more or answer some of these pertinent questions i have about narrow boating. 

Why arent all boats cruisers?

 

Can i eat the fish in the canal?

 

Can i swim in the canal?

 

Can i pull boat with rope down towpath with self/horse/children?

 

What is the ideal boat length for turning around in narrowboat. 

 

What happens if i leave all the locks open and drain everything into lowest lock or other accidental horrible destruction of canal resources.  

 

Can I airbnb my boat while im away. 

 

Can i lease a residential mooring and then spend most my time living abroad?

 

Can i build my own marina on land near the canal. 

 

Can i make a new canal on land i own next to canal. 

 

Are all experienced boaters amazing nice people who love to answer the same questions over and over?

 

Will solar power work during the winter if i stay moored at the same spot for 15 days and dont want to run engine?

 

Are their pirates on canals? Does anyone steal boats? 

 

Do i really even own a boat that i buy? Why is there no titles on narrowboats?

 

Why cant i dump shit into the canal but i can wash shit off my ass in the shower and dump that into canal? Can i just omit the toilet and shit into my shower?

 

Why dont more people rent canal boats to their friends and family for very low cost?

 

Why are their almost no 50% syndicates avail?

 

How many family members can sleep on a narrow boat together? What is murder rate?

 

When will i stop posting dumb questions?

 

 

 

 

Edited October 4, 2019 by cksantos85

[rusty69]

Best list of old boater answers I could think of are listed in bold below:-

 

 

I felt like this forum needed some newbie snark to go with all the old-timer salt pouring from the heavens. Feel free to post more or answer some of these pertinent questions i have about narrow boating. 

Why arent all boats cruisers?

 Cos some people have more taste for aesthetics than others.

Can i eat the fish in the canal?

 No, it is recommended that you get them out of the canal before you eat them.

Can i swim in the canal?

 Can you swim?If you can, then yes.

Can i pull boat with rope down towpath with self/horse/children?

No, but you maybe able to pull it down the canal depending how strong you are.

What is the ideal boat length for turning around in narrowboat. 

 It depends how fat you are,If you are fatter than 6 foot, you may require a widebeam boat.The length doesn't matter.

What happens if i leave all the locks open and drain everything into lowest lock or other accidental horrible destruction of canal resources.  

 You get a slap off the old farts on the canal system.

Can I airbnb my boat while im away. 

 Its a boat, not an airplane.

Can i lease a residential mooring and then spend most my time living abroad?

 Why would you want to?There are hire companies you know! Besides, that would make you a liveabroad liveaboard.

Can i build my own marina on land near the canal. 

  Yes,if you are as rich as Croesus.Land is probably cheaper away from the canal. You may get fewer customers though.

Can i make a new canal on land i own next to canal. 

Doubtful.Besides,It would be a very short canal, unless you own a lot of land.

Are all experienced boaters amazing nice people who love to answer the same questions over and over?

 No.I am the exception.

Will solar power work during the winter if i stay moored at the same spot for 15 days and dont want to run engine?

 Yes, but maybe not enough to cover your demands.

Are their pirates on canals? Does anyone steal boats? 

 Only on Thunderboat.

Do i really even own a boat that i buy?

 No. A boat always owns you.

Why is there no titles on narrowboats?

Giving boats titles like Sir Boaty McBoatface didn't catch on.

Why cant i dump shit into the canal but i can wash shit off my ass in the shower and dump that into canal?

Cos no one is looking when you are in the shower (hopefully).Besides washing a small donkey is better done elsewhere.

Can i just omit the toilet and shit into my shower?

 Depends if anyone else is taking a shower.

Why dont more people rent canal boats to their friends and family for very low cost?

 Cos they wouldn't be friends and family if they had to pay....they would be customers.

Why are their almost no 50% syndicates avail?

 Cos you need a third person to act as an adjudicator.

How many family members can sleep on a narrow boat together? What is murder rate?

 It depends how friendly they are.

When will i stop posting dumb questions?

 When we run out of dumb answers?

Edited October 4, 2019 by rusty69
Punchuation.

[Dr Bob]

45 minutes ago, cksantos85 said:

 

Can i eat the fish in the canal?

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had to laugh at the second question.

In a flash, it shows the OP comes from somewhere a long way away (.....I know, Hawaii.....just about as far away as you can get). Now I spent quite a bit of time in Hawaii when I had a couple of years secondment to the States and the fish there are spectacular. Unlike our fresh water 'coarse' fish....which no right minded Brit would eat.....far too many tiny bones. Our daughter in law comes from the Philippines and tucked into 3 bream we had caught when she was on the boat with us last year. She loves fish with tiny bones ....cause that's what she is used to over there.

 

I would have thought you could construct some more technical questions, for instance .....which is most useful, an Ecofan (other fans are available) or a chocolate teapot?

33 minutes ago, rusty69 said:

 

 

 When we run out of dumb answers?

Wot?

We never run out of dumb answers.

[rusty69]

On a more serious note, this thread has some points worth repeating to any wannabe boater:-

 

 

[cksantos85]

3 hours ago, rusty69 said:

On a more serious note, this thread has some points worth repeating to any wannabe boater:-

 

 

That needs to be pinned somewhere lol good stuff. 

 

[The Dreamer]

19 hours ago, cksantos85 said:

What is the ideal boat length for turning around in narrowboat. 

You should be able to turn round in any length of narrowboat, unless you have especially broad shoulders, but even then it’s more about the width.

19 hours ago, cksantos85 said:

Can i eat the fish in the canal?

Probably, but it’s going to be better if you eat them either on your boat or dry land.

[The Dreamer]

19 hours ago, cksantos85 said:

Do i really even own a boat that i buy? Why is there no titles on narrowboats?

Within the principles of social constructionism, does your boat even exist, do you even exit?

[rusty69]

On 04/10/2019 at 11:47, cksantos85 said:

What is murder rate?

Oh, I forgot to answer this one. 

 

Somewhere between extreme and calm, particularly when discussing British weather. 

On 04/10/2019 at 11:47, cksantos85 said:

Are all experienced boaters amazing nice people who love to answer the same questions over and over. 

No.I am the exception