Okay so i've made some progress! been a nightmare this to be honest but feel like i'm getting somewhere now. Many thanks for all your replies, the info from 'Ex Brummie' on the flow rates was very usefull!. i've got it to drip at 4cc per min on low setting and about 13cc per min on high. it lights well, is yellow at first but once proper temperature is reached it now remains a mainly blue steady flame. i've been fiddling with that toby for days, finally feel like i understand how it all works now. However, it's still taking a long time to turn off and i really can't figure out why. it doesnt seem to be flooding and the toby valve doesnt drip when turned to off so i can't understand why it takes so long to go out, talking over half an hour at least. if anyone has any idea why it would be much appreciated. but at least for the moment, i have a heater!
Also, for anyone who finds this thread looking for info on drip feed stoves, these are the most useful things i found online:
https://www.harworthheating.co.uk/documents/Technical/Efel %26 Harmony Range/TB115 Toby Oil Control Valve Low Res.pdf
https://manualzz.com/doc/18246608/o.c.i-valve-issue-1-©-www.oilstoves.co.uk--tech-docs-3