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Rattle. The reason listers should be in engine rooms is so you can fix things in a timely fashion. Walk up boat past engine spot diesel leak, walk back fix fuel leak, walk past fix rattling ducting, walk past tighten up manifolds, walk past wipe down another leak, walk past stand back in shock and bang head as there is nothing to do.

Traditionally canal boats don't have engines at all. They are a 20th century innovation, excepting a very few early steam ones. So if you want to be properly traditional you should buy a boat and a horse. There are still plenty of shiny bits on the horse tack to apply the brasso to. You shouldn't try and fix a horse with a spanner though. In particular, altering the leg timing to simulate a two leg clip clop sound, rather than a four leg one is only going to end in tears. Jen ?

I went past there the other day-was hammering it down so no photo -but they were all wearing masks ?

Ahhh - its all coming out now you want to save £30k, £40k, £50k, £60k ?+ in the price of a new-build. You may save more by buying a Fat-Boat that has already taken the depreciation, there is one for sale in Newark for Offers over £300,000, I think it is 60 x 12. It is immaculate having never been used (owner said "I don't like Red" - quote from Little Britain) and only 3 or 4 years old. I took some pics of it as I was looking at the canopy mountings. There is a bit more to it than you suggest - you need to have a boat built with exceptionally high Gunwales and be VERY AWARE of what you are signing with the builder. Manufacturers are making great claims about their boats which have been subsequently found to be false - do you want to be the one who has to "stump up £30,000 in 7 days" because your builder 'got it wrong' ? A few general points first: The sale of any vessel is only subject to VAT if the owner is carrying on a business. Boats are either standard rated (taxable at 20%) or zero-rated (taxable at 0%), sometimes referred to as ‘VAT free’. VAT Exempt is different to VAT free (zero rated). If nothing is said about VAT in the purchase documentation, the price includes any VAT due. It is the seller’s responsibility to charge the correct amount of VAT and he has to account for it to HMRC. Houseboats are always zero-rated. Houseboats are defined for VAT purposes as ‘boats or other floating decked structures designed or adapted for use solely as places of permanent habitation, and not having the means of, or not capable of being readily adapted for, self propulsion’. So if your boat is classified as a houseboat and you have no means of propulsion (engine), nor any easy way of fitting one in the future, then the houseboat will be VAT-free. What about live-aboards that are not houseboats? Well, this is an interesting topic and, in the words of HMRC, proving whether a vessel qualifies partly involves proving a negative as explained below. This is how it works: A VAT-free boat is known as a ‘qualifying ship’. There are two specific legal criteria for a qualifying ship. The first is that the boat has not been ‘designed or adapted’ for recreation or pleasure. The fact that your boat is designed as a live-aboard and not as a ‘pleasure craft’ means that it fulfills the first condition even if you are not intending to live aboard permanently or at all. The second criterion relates to gross tonnage. This gross tonnage figure must be not less than 15 tons. Gross tonnage is to be calculated as under the Merchant Shipping Acts. Where gross tonnage has not been certified in accordance with those Acts HMRC guidance in Notice 744C (available online) sets out a modified version of that calculation for VAT purposes. The HMRC formula for calculating gross tonnage for vessels of less than 24m in length is as follows. L (m) x B (m) x D (m) x 0.16 (see below for HMRC definitions of L,B & D) HMRC then go on to specifically define the D measurement for canal boats and this is measured from under the top of what we know as the gunwale to the base plate. As an interesting example, take ‘Panache’ the widebeam boat featured on our build diary of a huge 69’ long (L) x 11″ beam (B) with a height of 46” (D). Let’s work out the calculation by first converting the imperial measurements to metric so we have: 21.03m x 3.35m x 1.16m = 81.35 x 0.16 = 13.01 gross tons… Not a qualifying vessel. So here’s the interesting part in order to get a boat even of this size to qualify the standard (D) measurement would need another 190mm adding giving a (D) measurement of 1.35m. See the revised calculation below: (21.03m x 3.35m x 1.35) = 95.10 multiplied by 0.16 = 15.21 gross tons, a qualifying ship. So here’s the bottom line… Provided that the boat is not designed or adapted for recreation or pleasure at the time you buy it and so long as the gross tonnage (L x W x D (from the underside of the back deck, or gunwale if no back deck) x 0.16) works out to be not less than 15 tons the supply of the boat is zero-rated so no VAT. Simple! Many canal boat builders are now offering specially designed wide beam craft with higher gunwales that give live-aboard boaters the opportunity for VAT savings. Misconceptions regarding VAT exempt vessels & residential usage… There is no legal requirement that a VAT-free vessel be designed as or even used as a residence. Any conditions in HMRC’s Notice 744C (‘Ships, aircraft and associated supplies’) which go further than the statutory provisions are of no legal force. There is no legal justification for imposing an additional condition of permanent residential use. A word of warning… It is vital as a ‘Purchaser’ you read all the contractual documentation regarding the purchase of any vessels and in particular VAT free vessels. There’s been a case highlighted to us where a boat had been sold as ‘VAT free’ unfortunately on incorrect grounds which post sale lead to the HMRC correctly chasing the seller for the VAT which should have been charged. In this particular case the contract of sale placed the responsibility to satisfy any such VAT claim on the purchaser so they had to stump up.

I'd actually go further and file a small flat before centre punching. When drilling freehand, it's all too easy to go well off line while attempting to keep the drill in the dot!

Why not just have speakers and a sound generator, you could even pass boat with the sound of 1000 rpm when you crawl by or go flat out with a tick over sound. Just think of the fun.

If you have never been in business you may not be aware of how 'The VATman' operates. We have to submit a VAT return quarterly listing our purchases and sales (both including and excluding VAT) and the VAT payable, if we are in an industry where our VAT rating on sales should be standard rate (20%) and they see that you sales figure do not 'match up to the expected' figure then further investigation is undertaken. I have only once had a VAT investigation carried out when the Receipt of money against invoices did not show in the quarter they were issued. The VAT must be reported as the invoices are issued - NOT when you actually receive the payment. To cut a long story short the powers of the VATman are immense, (greater than the Police) they can enter your property at any 'reasonable' time without a search warrant, they have the power of arrest & they can go back 9 years thru your paperwork and woe betide you if you have not got the 9 year old purchase receipt or sales invoice that they choose at random. The manufacturers sales ledger will show what boat, at what price, with / without VAT was sold and to whom it was sold. Most Inland waterways boat manufacturers are only producing 'single figures' boats each year (maybe just a couple or half-a-dozen) so they are not difficult to keep track of.

Trentham lock sorted. That didn't take them long.

I met a disabled guy who operated his NB by 'remote control'. The boat was called Victoria Plum and he kept his mobility scooter in a 'trailer' (garage) that attached to the front of the boat. The lid of the garage lifted and a hydraulic ramp lifted the buggy up to bank level, ramps deployed and he could drive the buggy off. The garage had its own licence, but as C&RT couldn't decide 'what it was' that gave it a canoe licence. Arriving at a lock he would 'moor', get the buggy out of the 'garage' and go and open the lock gates, go back and untie the boat, the boat would then start up and he'd 'drive' it into the lock using bow and stern thrusters, close the gates, fill/empty the lock, open the gates and 'drive it out', hold it in place with the thrusters whilst loading the buggy back into the garage, board the boat and off he went. It was a slow, time consuming process but he was independent and 'out boating'. I noticed the garage was up for sale a couple of years ago, maybe the time had come when it was time to 'hang up the remote control'. Victoria Plum's Garage Built by Unknown - Length : 3.66 metres ( 12 feet ) - Beam : 2.03 metres ( 6 feet 8 inches ) - Draft : 0.45 metres ( 1 foot 6 inches ). Metal hull N/A . Registered with Canal & River Trust number 507115 as an Unpowered Unpowered Craft. ( Last updated on Wednesday 22nd May 2013 )

On this day in 1989 Hawkesbury Junction

Our 5-yearly visit for survey at a shipyard in Paris lasted 2 months longer than it should, thanks to lockdown. Being in self-isolation myself, other family members brought the boat back to Auxerre, braving the various challenges the River Yonne provides, primarily the the eddy at many of the lock entrances. I sent a Google Maps adaptation to illustrate. Often, but not always, the weir stream generates this thing, which drags a barge forward at speed, then takes her to one side. The trick is to go in at speed, but if there are other vessels already inside you have to be good at stopping as well. Accuracy can be difficult. Anyway they made it, so heartfelt thanks were due. They just have two weeks quarantine to get though back in Blighty now.